Thursday, September 24, 2009

Water Water on the Seas.

I hate this feeling this feeling that i am losing everything by being selfish. I asked God for a sign as what i should do. I had a dream we went back out but you beat me up. I don't know what that is suppose to mean and i am deciding it was fear and that God has decided this is up to me. How ever at whataburger they had out those gift cards. Like the one in which you stole and wrote how i was perfect no matter who i was with and always to be happy. Nothing makes me happier then a bubble bath with cat power. Getting my hair brushed and kisses on my face. Breakfast in the mornings and breakfast in the nights. I miss sleeping in all day. Drinking coffee and watching the snow fall. Wrapped in blankets. Playing the nes in our underwear. You on level 50 in dr. mario. Me on level 3. I loved that day. Us watching your stupid 7 movies over and over.
We lived in bars and danced on tables. How is one suppose to just replace the most perfect part of ones' life? There's nothing like living in a bottle. All our Juno jokes. Thundercats aren't doing anything any more, they grew old and live in wheelchairs. They aren't really going at all.
You were suppose to call at eight. I know i was cutting up my hair with the girls. Then we when out and talked about how cute this guy was at the shop we when too. Regine and me went to the boy's place and then whataburger. But i missed you.
I wish this was all so easy again. I wish when we hung out it wasn't so horrible for me. I wish she never existed. I worry her only purpose in life was a test, not for you, but me. So far i feel like i am failing at everything.
I feel like i had no soul. Like a zombie without reason, I don't want to be in this state forever. I just want to be happy, but that has been stolen from me. I had no choice. I know this is why i am not ready to date anyone. But also i only saw the good side and i worry it wasn't the real side, but these moments make me know it is.

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