Update.

It's almost summer and boy do Ravel and i have plans for it. We are going camping soon to start and we are hitting up all the bars, going to go to clubs in dallas, museums, of and of course Lady Fucking GAGA! Oh yeah in those 15 minutes the tickets were on sale, I fucking got tickets. 2 amazing seats for me and my Alejandro. Who i am begging to wear a bubble suit but it's not looking like its going to happen. I think it's worth a free ticket to the Most Amazing Lady Gaga. I was watching videos on the tubes of the monster ball and i am now dieing to be there already.

Oh and after that i have a little trip to Vegas, by car, so we are going to hit up Roswell and that big dumb hole the Grand Canyon, the boy wants to go. We have enough for the Luxor's spa room for a couple of nights, and that's before the summer. I can't wait.

Ravel turned in his amazing photo portfolio and we get answers on tuesday. We are living together next year. I am graduating in Spring 2011. I think so far i am the only fibers kiddo doing so that semester, which means i will have a solo senior show which would be amazing.

I only have one more class to sign up for ever.

My Sister had the cutest baby boy ever! I love them both so much.

Everything is great and happy and peaceful and now that school is over way less stressful.

2 years.

Yesterday was Ravel and my 2 year. I have known this boy for 2 and 1/2 years and dated him for almost all of that. He asked me back out and i said yes. I love him. I think i am ready to try this again. It will be better this time. He is better then ever.
My mom says she is glad all this shit happened, since he is better then before. He wants marriage and children, which children isn't ever going to happen. haha. But my Ravel and forever. He says I am the one, and i happen to agree with him. So one more shot and that's it, that is all.
You have to forgive the ones you love and today i can say i have.

We're so glad that you have come back.

I haven't written in for awhile. It finally feels like i am in school. The work load is right is what i mean. I have tons of things to do this weekend, as of last. I am however going to make myself do date night and not forget.
Valentine's Day was a dream. Ravel made me breakfast is bed. He bought me Vampire Weekend's new record on vinyl, of course. We went to see Wolfman, but ended up getting free pass tickets so we will have to go some other time. We ate pizza at our special pizza place we use to always eat at. We have a special pre-dating, 2nd time dating, and a now that were ex's again pizza place. I think we should always have tons of special pizza joins. Anyways, I got candy and flowers and stuff. We watched tv and then he had to go to work, when he came home he was super excited about going to Las Vegas. He thinks he should have two tickets in two months. We are going to stay a whole week in a hotel on the strip. I am so excited. I love it there.

I feel great about Ravel and me, I think i may start letting him call me his. He is the greatest. I love everything about this boy, and he has dusted himself off nicely after this little bump we had in our relationship. What is life all about if we don't make a couple of mistakes and no one forgives us. I know i've messed up in my life, i have a past most don't know anything about, you have to be able to forgive. I don't know how much i have competely forgiven, however something in my soul says i need to be here in the place that i am and i have never felt this way with any of my other lovers.

I am just really glad Ravel is still around. He makes my days better. Even when we fight, I am still happier with him around for now then i am without him. There is still something he is suppose to be here for, I know it.

We've lived in bars and danced on tables, hotels, trains, and ships that sailed. Swim with sharks and fly with Aeroplanes in the air.

I am the best.

Cat Power is Love.

I can't wait until Valentine's Day. I can't wait to see what surprise Ravel has in store! I finished my Valentine's Day shopping today. I think. I might make him another stuff animal, since he loves Scopey the Moosey so much. I made this adorable moose outta socks and Ravel fucking loves it. It's like our baby. Every night he sleeps with it and it is the cutest.

This weekend is the big food making weekend! Homemade crepes and cupcakes, oranges and fruit, and whatever the boy has planned. So far i just need to design a piece of repetitive fabric and finish doing my heddles. I also need to plan out/ embroider my towelettes. I told Leslie my idea for the first project and she loved it so much. I think this is the most excited i've seen her at one of my ideas.

I am glad i could Ravel's advice. He said i should do more subject matter pop art then my color scheme. So i thought of the genius idea, and now i am using what he said too. I need to do more reseach this weekend. I was scared i would start this semester off bad because of dumb dirty paper bags, but i am still a fibers god. I have two As in science already, I got a B in stupid dpb, which isn't fucking right. I am an A student. If i can't get an A in dirty paper bags then everything is stupid. Whatever it was my first project, and i got the highest grade from the people i talked to.
Fabrics is my calling class, so we might as well just type in an A and pass me. Weaving is by far my real love, and thus i know i will get an A in there too. I am a Fibers God! I am also divine to be completely modest.

Ravel and me went to Dallas and saw a photographer lecturer tonight at the DMA, and it was almost. I wish we could of hung out in Dallas a little more, it was so nice and pretty. I liked getting out of Denton even if it was only a couple of hours.

Ok well that's enough.

Dean's Honor Roll and Ravey Stuff

So i am on the Dean's Honor roll, i get an award sometime this week. I can't wait. My mother was so excited and proud of me. Ravel was too. Ravel made us (me) Guinness Cupcakes with Bailey's Frosting and they were sooo fucking good. Everyone should try to make them. Ravel should start a baking company.
We had a fight, which always sucks, but we needed to this year. I would think it weird if we didn't fight once in January.
But he can't let me go and i don't think i am going to be going at this point. He better treat me to a fancy valentine's day. He has work at night so we are going to have a valentine's day DAY. I am excited. I will miss the Cheaters Marathon now. Which is super sad! I really love that show. I like making Ravel watch it with me. We laugh and make fun of people.
I have one more hour to wait for him. I am going to make him rub my back, yay!

I am happy, which is what really matters with stuff in life. Ravel is great, and maybe back to stay. He is still saving shit tons of money for vegas and i put away forty. My mother is still on my ass about not getting married in Vegas. I can't remember if i typed about that. My mother said she would be super pissed if Ravel and me got married, but only because she couldn't be there. I did however look to see how much stuff like that was in Vegas. Hahahaha. I was just wondering. I think it would be funny to elope and never tell anyone. Ravel and me talk about how we could get our vows renewed and no one would realize if was not our first wedding.

We need to have dinner with my sister and her husband sometime soon too. Speaking of people who are really married.

I want Ravel to get here so we can finally go to sleep.

Teen Love Quiz Book

I am waiting on Regine and i thought i would type in. We are going out. Not really for fun but whatever. Then i am meeting up with Ravel tonight. He woke up and made me homemade crepes for breakfast.

I when to The Rachofsky House today, in which you have to be invited to go. It's a private home, and not really a museum. I love it. It was so amazing and wonderful. I loved the house everything was in way more than the art, but i'm not really a contemporary art fan. There was one by Paul McCarthy, which was amazing.

I skipped paper bag class and also science to go, but it's not like i may ever be invited again. So it's worth it.

I am done with all my homework, except paper bags- which is due Thursday. Lame.

I am leaving.

Love is always over Career. GA.

Dam no one posted last week. I guess they all felt down and out like me. I haven't been feeling healthy, not really sick but not well. I am kind of stressed about this semester. I need all A's again to keep up my gpa, and keep it where it should be. I also wish i was leaving at the end of this year. I wish Ravel would decide to move in. I wish we were getting our apartment. I wish we were looking for a cute trashy two bedrooms. A two bedroom to make our parents happy. I wish everything was perfect, back to before. All Cat Power and bubble baths, and out loud it is. He is. He's doing everything he should now, but i've been depressed this week and that makes me over think everything and get down. I hope he doesn't get mad at me for being depressed. Last time i when thru this everything got fucked up. I hate being outta it. Cat Power is however making me feel better.
I want to be good again, tommorrow i am going to finish my box of wine and go to my favorite class, come home and bubble bath with my lover. I hope he wrote me a note in our super secret lover's book. There wasn't a new note today, but we were out together all day.
I am still freaked out riding in cars. I want this to go away again too. After my bike accident was i extra worried in cars. I have to drive down to dallas by myself tuesday, so i think i will be better after a real drive. Being in my car, driving, makes me feel better about life.
I bought seven hundred stickers today. I put them all in my sketchbook. I love stickers too.

I know this doesn't make sense but after typing i dont feel down anymore. Not about living in the apartment again, not about Ravel, not about art, anything.I think cat power did more work though.

Ravel put a ton of money away for las vegas this week. If we really go to las vegas, that's crazy sounding. I am going to put money away too. He said we could get faked married in Vegas. I told him we should start a whole fake life in vegas. We talk about it every night as we go to sleep. I am going to think about Ravel saving up for future plans everytime i get depressed about anything.

Who cares if i am here for five years. I only have four more classes! FOUR! FOUR!
I am going to graduate. ONE MORE YEAR! This time next spring, I'm free. Ravel will still be trapped here, but at least i will be able to find him.

I can't wait till Ravel gets here so we can go to bed. I am so tired.

Dance in the Dark

I love this song, but it is hard to read records as they go around. My record is a double sided picture disk. By the WAY! I had an ok first day. My ceramics pieces looked like dirty old paper bags, which really only means i was meant for fibers. Ravel says i am a Fibers Goddess. So i really don't care if everything looks like a dirty paper bag in ceramics. Also my teacher is really into making rocks, so shit maybe she will fucking love my dirty paper bag look.
I have friends i really like in my science lecture so that is awesome, beside the fact my dad has been talking about everything in my class since i was born. He does have his degrees in it. I did learn some new things about poison though.
Ravel, Melissa, and me have been having tons of fun this last weekend. Camille came over yesterday and i talked to Kevin. I miss Kevin. I want him to come back to school here and just hang out. He is moving here this summer, which is the BEST FUCKING NEWS EVER!!!! I can't wait. I need to make my mom buy tickets for our super AWESOME Spring Break! I can't wait to leave this place.
Ravel says he is going to take me to Las Vegas this summer (to marry me). I told him i would only go if i could see lots of dirty man shows. Hahaha. I don't think he will save up that much money by then but some kind of vacation would be awesome.
The B Side to the Fame Monster sounds so 80's and perfect.
So we are already going on a field trip, i am excited. This year sounds good. I hope i can do everything perfect like last semester. Stupid dirty paper bags. haha. I should get supplies and whatever. Plus my favorite class is tonight.

I just wanna type all day!

Ugh i need to get dressed. I don't wanna do anything but the boy child will be here soon and we are going to make Chicago styled pizzas from scratch. Awesome. So what should i wear? AHHHH! I think i will wear the skirt he bought me. Whatever.

Tulips and the New Year

I changed my hair. It's so hot. Everyone seems to love it. Everyone that matters at least.
I was planning on starting fresh this year in a different way, throwing out all the trash and starting all new and clean. However i kept all the stuff i was going to throw out. However this world has given me something new in an old way.
I woke up to a ton of beautiful tulips and homemade crepes yesterday. Fresh blueberries and blackberries. Raspberry lemonade. Everything was nice about yesterday. I haven't left the house for the past week or two i think. Ever since i got back to Denton, i've been hiding out. I guess i did get out once or twice, I am made to leave. No one is ever in the apartment. One isn't back and the other two are aways busy. I did all the dishes in my favorite undies and leg warmers yesterday. I turn my music up loud at 3 in the morning and dance around.
I really want the new Vampire Weekend album. My new Lady Gaga on vinyl (which is FUCK AWESOME btw) fame monster should be here today or tomorrow. Best Christmas ever, btw. I got the vintage Joy of Sex and Lady Gaga on vinyl. I dont think i could be more happy. I used some of my gift cards yesterday and got Starbucks and a pastry ring. It had cheese, apple, and cherries. I didn't really like the cherry one so i let Ravel have the rest of my piece.
So i had all kinds of fruit sweets yesterday. Oh and when i when home i found out i've lost 20 pounds. I kind of think that is crazy. I didn't work out once last year. I noticed all my pants where to big and i was buying smaller ones at thanksgiving, but i thought brands had change there size or whatever, plus in super skinny jeans i'm pretty much the same size, else my j low ass hangs out. Hahahaha.
I want to go visit my sister. I dont know if she will bring her husband, I think i will make Ravel go and just leave him at half price books to look at records if she doesn't.
I love this year already. All the tulips opened and bloomed this morning. Tulips are by far my favortive flowers. It's nice always having flowers in the house. I just threw out the tulips i got for christmas a day or two ago. They are a redish pink. They make the whole room smell good.
I better go, i need to shower and finish zelda finally - before the boy gets back and has more flowers.

New Day! New Year!!

After crying last night, I feel a lot better. I made up my mind and i have a new plan for this year. Something more fun then all A's. I can't wait till Thursday when Ravel gets here. Well get that dumb talk over with and then HAPPINESS!

Yesterday

Yesterday was a giant fuck up and honestly an eye opener. I feel like i maybe losing myself in the quest to fix everything. I feel like i need days to sleep and really figure things out. I don't wanna stop though. I don't wanna wait. I want answers to show up and be like DO THIS! DATE! DONT! RIGHT! WRONG! I want them to be here. Sometime before he is. When he shows up, i don't know what i am going to cry for. If i am a yes or a no. If i am trusting or even should be trusted. Nothing looks like the right answer, but then again everything looks wrong too.

Do i love? Should i wait? Should i run? Who the fuck knows! Nothing will be what i want at this point. I think tomorrow i should hide and think about it. Lay in bed all day and get my life in order.

But i can't slow don't and after that i am too late. I am confused. I wish i could just step in a door and go back. Laying in bed with bottled starbucks, kissing and being kissed all over, soft morning light, and no problems. We were perfect. We were beautiful and perfect. A tornado of trash killed our home and now maybe our love, for now- forever, who knows.

All i know is i love what was there, and that's all.

Just me.

It's nice to be home in my lonely apartment.
It's nice to have it alone.
It's nice to have the whole town alone.
It's nice to be able to scream again.
It's nice to feel again.
It's nice to be alone.

Awesome Dream

So i had an awesome dream about Ravel but he won't answer his dumb cell phone. Hello What if i forget it!!!! I'm just going to call a hundred more times.

My year so far is good though. I am going to see a chick flick with my mom, and maybe shopping. I don't know if she will buy me anything. I don't have money, but she got paid today so she does.

I told mister if he came home way early, i would dye my hair any color. ANY COLOR! But i don't think it's probably enough. :(

Oh i got to go it's ringing!