Sunday, January 24, 2010

Love is always over Career. GA.

Dam no one posted last week. I guess they all felt down and out like me. I haven't been feeling healthy, not really sick but not well. I am kind of stressed about this semester. I need all A's again to keep up my gpa, and keep it where it should be. I also wish i was leaving at the end of this year. I wish Ravel would decide to move in. I wish we were getting our apartment. I wish we were looking for a cute trashy two bedrooms. A two bedroom to make our parents happy. I wish everything was perfect, back to before. All Cat Power and bubble baths, and out loud it is. He is. He's doing everything he should now, but i've been depressed this week and that makes me over think everything and get down. I hope he doesn't get mad at me for being depressed. Last time i when thru this everything got fucked up. I hate being outta it. Cat Power is however making me feel better.
I want to be good again, tommorrow i am going to finish my box of wine and go to my favorite class, come home and bubble bath with my lover. I hope he wrote me a note in our super secret lover's book. There wasn't a new note today, but we were out together all day.
I am still freaked out riding in cars. I want this to go away again too. After my bike accident was i extra worried in cars. I have to drive down to dallas by myself tuesday, so i think i will be better after a real drive. Being in my car, driving, makes me feel better about life.
I bought seven hundred stickers today. I put them all in my sketchbook. I love stickers too.

I know this doesn't make sense but after typing i dont feel down anymore. Not about living in the apartment again, not about Ravel, not about art, anything.I think cat power did more work though.

Ravel put a ton of money away for las vegas this week. If we really go to las vegas, that's crazy sounding. I am going to put money away too. He said we could get faked married in Vegas. I told him we should start a whole fake life in vegas. We talk about it every night as we go to sleep. I am going to think about Ravel saving up for future plans everytime i get depressed about anything.

Who cares if i am here for five years. I only have four more classes! FOUR! FOUR!
I am going to graduate. ONE MORE YEAR! This time next spring, I'm free. Ravel will still be trapped here, but at least i will be able to find him.

I can't wait till Ravel gets here so we can go to bed. I am so tired.

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