Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Yesterday was a giant fuck up and honestly an eye opener. I feel like i maybe losing myself in the quest to fix everything. I feel like i need days to sleep and really figure things out. I don't wanna stop though. I don't wanna wait. I want answers to show up and be like DO THIS! DATE! DONT! RIGHT! WRONG! I want them to be here. Sometime before he is. When he shows up, i don't know what i am going to cry for. If i am a yes or a no. If i am trusting or even should be trusted. Nothing looks like the right answer, but then again everything looks wrong too.
Do i love? Should i wait? Should i run? Who the fuck knows! Nothing will be what i want at this point. I think tomorrow i should hide and think about it. Lay in bed all day and get my life in order.
But i can't slow don't and after that i am too late. I am confused. I wish i could just step in a door and go back. Laying in bed with bottled starbucks, kissing and being kissed all over, soft morning light, and no problems. We were perfect. We were beautiful and perfect. A tornado of trash killed our home and now maybe our love, for now- forever, who knows.
All i know is i love what was there, and that's all.

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