Thinking about things.

So today, i look like this. However most days i wake up wanting to look like a movie star. I hope if somehow my art makes me bigger than Van Gogh, they flash pictures of me in the slide shows as some brilliant crazy beautiful artist instead of the chubby cheeked girl on the right. All freckled and wearing almost no make up at all. Which i mean is cute now and makes me look great today, however think of what the children of your children's children would think of my cute sweet face.
I don't want to have children sometimes because i fear what they will find out and learn about me. Not as an artist but just because i'm their mother.
I was boring as shit in high school. I never snuck out, did drugs, hung out with the wrong crowd, i did everything right. I was popular and yet i was still really lame.
I can't imagine the world our group is suppose to raise children in. Can you imagine reading your mother's blog from college. Mine didn't go to college but if i was my kid reading my blog.
I would worry and think my mother was a complete freak for painting asses, for not even dealing with these lame roommates for eating all her butter, for dating that weird kid she writes about in here. My blog makes Ravel sound kind of lame. But i am more liking to write about bad things then to talk for hours in this thing about everything wonderful Ravel does. I talk about that too much to people in person.
I just can believe when someone your age gets married. I know i can almost buy vodka and drink in bars, I live on my own and get tattoos. I'm almost out of college and i'm going to get a real career job soon, but i just can't stop being shocked when someone our age gets married.
Everyone on tv is my age and somehow i still feel like a child.
Can you believe we live in a day and age where everyone is 18-24 on reality tv. Everyone on tv is my age.
Before you know it, you'll be past out invites to weddings and baby showers, funerals, and graduations. We'll all grow up and our hair will grow out.
If i am lucky kids in college will see my face in a slide show and think i'm not as lame as i really am.