There is always going to be another mountain.

Ok so i didn't go anywhere. In 15 minutes though i am going to pick up ravel from work and get some food. He said he would drive me to the fibers building. I hate lab work. I wish i could take things home and work on them there, in front of the tv or at 3 in the morning. I don't want to work at 1 till 8.

I need to buy tights for this party tonight. I am excited. I don't really know to many people who are going to be there. Hopefully the people i do know still go. I think i have an idea for an outfit for tommorrows engagement party.

Sometimes, I am jealous of my sister. I wish i found the one. I want to have someone who will always be there and to fight with me through whatever. I am however glad i am not pregnant. Because that is scary as fucking hell. She is having a boy, which is ideal. I need to make her a blanket. She is going to be a great mom. I am happy for her.

I just want to get married and travel and make art for a living. Nothing else. I am too nervous and worrisome to date around and be all independent in my free woman making choices. I think that might be the best way to put it. I think i am at least just too worried right now.

I don't know. It seems scary meeting people and showing yourself. Allowing strangers in. I know everyone i know know i only met within the last three years. I mean i even live with people i only met within three years. But i am still nervous. I worry i will become like my mother. My mother doesn't like to meet people or make new friends it seems, and my dad always needs company. I am somewhere in between. I don't like to meet a lot of new people, someone else has to like them first you know, I am nervous.

I am also sick right now and words are annoying me. I don't know if i am making sense. I need to eat.