TODAY WAS GREAT!

SO TODAY WAS GREAT!

IT WAS SOOOOOO FUCKING GREAT!!!

Her life is up in smokes. I found out Ravel deleted her from facebook and has decided he can't deal with all her crazy bitchiness. She is FUCKING NUTS! I serious think this is asylum crazy. Not just normal crazy bitch. BUT NUTS! Call the men with the white coats! There is a CRAZZY on the loose! Running barefoot in the streets! SOMEONE CALL THE MEN IN LAB COATS!
Sorry i will try to cut that out!

So anyways i haven't got any texts from the psycho, but if i was her i wouldn't text me either.
If you are the loser of the playground, you don't mess with the biggest baddest bitch on the playground. And i am the baddest bitch on the playground.

It must really suck when Ravel breaks up with me and is all alone and still wants nothing to go with your trashy ass. I mean come on really, i was the perfect girlfriend. Who is going to want that piece of shit, over this? That's the question that has been clearly answer through all this.

God i love when everything is clear and i really don't have to say anything at all, but i do anyways.

You mess with the bull, you get the horns!

This morning is so much better. Ravel came over and apologized until i fell asleep. I woke up and my legs didn't hurt so much and They found my box FULL of chocolate stuff i LOVE! My mommy loves me so much. I am listening to No doubt and it is cloudy. If it rains today it'll be perfect. I am wearing my favorite shirt today and am excited about crocheting for three hours. Not weaving I'm in big trouble there. I am going to smile at hot bus guys today and then check craiglist for men who are already in love with me. Just so i know they are out there. I got to go do my make and teeth and look super fine today.

Bikes, Whores, and Boxes.

So today was so lame.
I tried to fix Ravel's bike forever. I got one wheel off of mine, I was just going to get him my wheels, and then couldn't get the other so i when to see if his would come off. NO. Took me forever to remember his bike code and get the lock off. I tried forever to get the rusty washers off. No can do. You need a robot to get them off.
We are friends and i feel horrible about fucking up his bike, so as a good sign forwards him not hating me, i really worked hard to fix it.

Today wasn't the day to try however, i can hardly stand and i can't take how bad the pain in my legs are. I don't know why but they hurt soo bad and are really tight. It feels like some magic hand of god is holding them all the time. They are heavy and weight me down. I am about to just cut them off. Maybe i can get Ravel my wheelchair wheels to make up for popping his bike tires. I fucking hate bikes. I only got my bike because Ravel was all of a sudden in love with bikes.

To top it off he can't just be a man and tell her to fuck off and die. He wants to be "friends." He wants to just make everyone happy all the time. Make everyone his fucking friend. I hate all of this. I can't believe i was all sorry i ruined your bike. I'm glad we are still friends. What a DUMBASS! She is a stupid whore but he isn't helping this any. I hope she plays in traffic. I hope she takes that guy home we heard about last night at yogurt story.
He is a fucking moron and he is taking me down with him. I am trying to be fucking nice but really. I'm not a moron and i know how to be a great. I can find a new guy friend who understands my art and my basic life.
I actually am looking for a guy to take me out, not in a real important way but it can be. I can get me a guy if i really want. That guy on the bus if i said hi i would of had a date. I would bet on it.

Whatever on top of the moron parade i am beginning to think i am not only watching. My Heart break box got stolen that my mom sent to me in the mail. Today is a parade of suck, right in the middle of my lunch hour!

Just Thoughts

Thoughts were never meant for words,
Mostly seen and read by all the wrong folks,
But dying is still not on the to do list,
By this I mean I also need beer,
Sober will bring me nowhere,
Exciting or whatever,
Fuck what did I put on the record player again,
Scratching vinyl over leaving lovers,
Wanting to have love,
Really love, love is an abandoned ship,
Kiss your husband goodnight,
Forget about love, true love,
Disney has left the building,
The ship is going over,
I on the iceberg watching star-crossed losers,
No tulips, No apples, No moonlight,
No perfect shades of brown in unforgotten spheres,
They are FORGOTTEN!
No one think of them,
Knowing what I know and nothing more,
Still talking so close the warm breath feels cool,
But only for a second,
Pausing and questioning my stupidity at the thought,
Leaning in for another closely connecting word,
How deep is this cut?
Will it heal this time?

Water Water on the Seas.

I hate this feeling this feeling that i am losing everything by being selfish. I asked God for a sign as what i should do. I had a dream we went back out but you beat me up. I don't know what that is suppose to mean and i am deciding it was fear and that God has decided this is up to me. How ever at whataburger they had out those gift cards. Like the one in which you stole and wrote how i was perfect no matter who i was with and always to be happy. Nothing makes me happier then a bubble bath with cat power. Getting my hair brushed and kisses on my face. Breakfast in the mornings and breakfast in the nights. I miss sleeping in all day. Drinking coffee and watching the snow fall. Wrapped in blankets. Playing the nes in our underwear. You on level 50 in dr. mario. Me on level 3. I loved that day. Us watching your stupid 7 movies over and over.
We lived in bars and danced on tables. How is one suppose to just replace the most perfect part of ones' life? There's nothing like living in a bottle. All our Juno jokes. Thundercats aren't doing anything any more, they grew old and live in wheelchairs. They aren't really going at all.
You were suppose to call at eight. I know i was cutting up my hair with the girls. Then we when out and talked about how cute this guy was at the shop we when too. Regine and me went to the boy's place and then whataburger. But i missed you.
I wish this was all so easy again. I wish when we hung out it wasn't so horrible for me. I wish she never existed. I worry her only purpose in life was a test, not for you, but me. So far i feel like i am failing at everything.
I feel like i had no soul. Like a zombie without reason, I don't want to be in this state forever. I just want to be happy, but that has been stolen from me. I had no choice. I know this is why i am not ready to date anyone. But also i only saw the good side and i worry it wasn't the real side, but these moments make me know it is.

Met another cute boy while he was watching my boobs. Winners.

So it's Thursday and i believed i failed you weekend. I still have no set crush. There is a cute guy at scad. He should move here and talk about Batman with me. Its not that there isn't anyone here i just don't know how to approach a stranger and be like hay you're cute. I'm super awesome wanna buy me food and enjoy each others company. I dont know how to attract guys i do know. I am also just kind of waiting out for someone to come to me, I don't feel like be rejected right now since i'm not completely crushing on anyone. My door is still open. Come on sweep me off my feet with some kind of date you hear about them kids doing in the 50s. Movie. Dinner. Putt Putt. (Shut it! You'll be jealous. Of me and my putt putt hot stuff talking about batman guy.)

Ok i am just kind of bored. There was a kind of cute guy on the bus. He was super cute but he didn't talk to me. I think he was thinking about me, just not me! Yup cute boy watching my boobs.

I HATE EVERYTHING

Just so you know. I fucking wasted this whole weekend!! Now it is 11:15 and i am working my ass off on something stupid
facebook isn't working for only FUCKING ME of course and I am still fucking PISSED about the Ravel thing!!!! NO FUCKING SHIT. I want a date i want to just lay around and meet men.

I don't want to eat but i guess i am hungry. If i am sooo hungry you think i could keep something anything fucking down. I feel like dying. I need someone to rub my shoulders and kiss me. I DID NOTHING FUCKING WRONG. I got my stupid ass boyfriend stolen by a fucking loser with small tits. Best PART neither one of them likes the other. They are just in it for the attention!!!!! THEY ARE MORONS!!!!! MORONSSSS!!! STUPID FUCKING MORONS! I wish i could stop thinking talking and acting on about this. I am so fucking sick of this shit.

I just want my life back. I know who knew about this all happening and they can go fuck themselves for not giving me a chance to work this out with Ravel. Now it's toooo fucking late.

I want to sleep in my bed. I want to be alone. I want to be by myself. I want to skip monday and sleep all day. Screen Printing after 6 hours of class. Sounds FUN!

I hate EVERYTHING!!