Tuesday, August 18, 2009

You're hair was long...

.....when we first met.

So my love is gone. He left both his cell phone chargers, like the only boy i love would. At least i have my credit cards. house keys. drivers' license. you know the important stuff. However i only really want him back home. I don't care how lame and sappy i sound.
He makes me happy. He puts me outta order and nothing fits. Everything is where is can be and not where it should be. He makes life more fun. I feel bad. Always sitting at home and not going out with him. But honestly, when i drink even a drink a night i get sick. I am sick. I have no money. If i go out then he is going to spend money he shouldn't and he needs a camera more than i need a drink.
I need to go to bed. All i want to do is be in bed. Someday he will leave and i will never be able to get outta bed.
Sometimes, mostly here lately because i am sick and have to much down time, i don't think i am a good enough girl. I also feel this is me, destroying my only happiness, because i don't want to be left in bed after he leaves for good.
I don't know why i even stopped be good. I wanna blame my leg, because it let me for once just be taken care of. Never has anyone taken care of me. Now i don't want to let go of all the ways i am still treated like a princess. But i think this is becoming selfish and i think if i cut off a couple now i will make a good choice.

This year is going to be different, sadly. I have to work hard. My love has to work harder. We have to work apart because nothing gets done when we are around. I hope next year we get an apartment. That would make me so happy to see a third year outta this pure greatness i truly believe i have.

I am honestly sad on day one. I can't sleep without my kiddo next to me. I wanna make him a present for when he gets home. I won't tell you what. Because sometimes he cares to know what i write in this thing.

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