I don't really know what to put here.

So i am having a better day now. I guess. I am really just going to bed. Bed is always better of a day.

I re-did my blog again! Sent me some Love Notes SLUTTS!

i think...

that picture is so you. emotionless, uncaring, and willing to do whatever just to look like you tried.

A Fact of Life.

I hate went you realize you are friends with people on facebook, you actually find discussing and/or fucking retarded.

Flowers would be a nice start.

Am i really that bad? How come when one things comes apart, everything else gets loose while you fix the distraction? I used to feel like i held all these balloons, but every time i look up it seems like i am holding one less.

My dreams keep getting up and leaving the room, one by one. I am going to keep on with this so get use to it or stop reading.

I talk to myself, on the bus, in my head, out the window. I hate seeing children. I was such a reject of a child. I can imagine what the adults who talked to me than thought out me. I turned out great. I thought it was possible to love someone with all the love in your heart and ask for nothing in return and so you would get it. I didn't realize i had all the hoops to jump through and once you think you made it, they want you to go back. This time they are only higher and on fire.
I am not an animal. I am logical and smart and well raised/ put together, but i really wanted to punch the fuck out of my problem yesterday. I wasn't violent to the bastard who abused me for years. But i'll be fucking damn if i'll have another mental destroy me again.

Every mother fucker who comes in my life is a selfish, indecent little bastard who doesn't get a dam about me and what i care about. My stuff, my things, and my feelings- none of them deserve to be stepped on.

I just wanna cry. I just want to go back in time and make everything right like it should of been. Sometimes i don't want this at all. I want someone who takes care of me and returns what i do for them. Sometimes the only person in the world i think i really want is me.

I am still thinking over the idea of that though. On one hand i like where i am and on the other i like it better where i was.

No one cares about me like i do them. I never anyone's number one. Everyone is my number one. I can't let this happen again. If i can't be made happy in the next couple of days, I think i am going to have to do it all myself again.

I am glad i kicked him out in general, I wish i was able to last night. I just can't be left. It has to be me who leaves or i lose it again. I hate being left by someone terrible. It's like them saying them could do better than me. No one has ever done better than me, as a matter of fact. Most have not had a girl since me. They all want more and no one just leaves me by choice. They mess up and i punish them. When i am done, life continues to on my behalf.

I'll be damn if it continues. I'm not stupid i see everything going on and what's happening. I hope all of them rot in the deepest pits of hell, to say the least.

That's all i'm saying for now.

Just so you know.

I wish i was a million things, i don't have the effort to become.

Yeah, by her Muther Fuckin' Eyeballs!

Today I think I should rip some whore out into the street by her mother fucking eyeballs.

This is stupid. I am sick of how stupid Ravel can be. He can't see past this shit. She splits all this back talking bullshit about him and he is still wanting to run out and be friends. The other is just using him for her own fucked up jollies.

Whatever he puts even a toe out of line, i will rip this whole fucking face off. He won't know another woman more pissed then me if so. I will make a world record of being so hateful to just one person. I am full of hate for bitches and whores!! Ask that other mother fucker I dated!



So anyways today was ok besides that shit, I wanted to blog at lunch about happy happy fun times, but this creepy old lady was telling everyone to move so the new freshmen / students could use the computers even though there wasn't any there. I didn't feel like messing with her!

I painted yesterday, and i have to say i am DAMN GOOD! I use to be shitty at painting and now i think i could sell it if i wanted. This one is museum good, maybe. Ok maybe not that great but fucking close! WOOOOOO! My first Erotic Art Piece and it's Amazing!

I'm going to go paint WHORES! oh and my buddies! :)

Yellow High Heels

So i kind of like my blog background, but i may change it who knows?

I went out to eat pizza with Ravel today and we had dinner at 4 like fucking old people. But i looked to sexy to be old. Also we stopped by circa 77' and i got free yellow high heels. WOOOOO HOOOOO! They are amazing!!! I look hot like now. I need to do something and have somewhere to go. I don't wanna paint at home. I keep promising myself i will.

I am going to play a game! WOOOOO!